Aug. 10th, 2010 12:13 am
bliumchik: THIS IS NOT SPARTA. I AM LOST. (scenic detour!)
So. I'm 21.


*hides under blankets and misc items of furniture*

But seriously, how do I feel? Well, I had meant to do a whole bunch of things by now, sort of as a red carpet lead-in to Officially Being An Adult (In Absolutely Every Country That Counts, No Excuses Any More, Seriously). Most of them fell by the wayside like 90% of the things I plan do. In the end it just sort of happened. So if an occasion like this can be considered a portent or microcosm of one's life in general... I suppose it suits me? I've muddled through everything so far, and I suppose I'll muddle through the rest.

This weekend was a Neil Gaiman extravaganza, my birthday present to myself (or, I like to think, my birthday present from the universe, which conveniently scheduled the Graphic festival at Sydney Opera House right before my birthday). It followed pattern, if by pattern you mean "awesome with crunchy bits of fail," which as we have already established is, in fact, my pattern. I now have many books and slightly more rage at bus drivers! Memorable quote of Sunday's panel was Neil Gaiman telling Eddie Campbell that he'd love to see Frank Frazetta's Peanuts. Also Shaun Tan was cute. Saturday was a short story reading with illustrations by the aforementioned Campbell and accompanied by a string quartet, which was. Unique. They were pretty great! Although my current musical obsession is Van Canto, an a capella metal band. RIDDLY DIDDLY DIDDLY I CAN'T GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD


Um other things I have discovered recently! New webcomic! It is mostly about... other comics. Haha back here they do Kate Beaton and Scott Pilgrim in a row. MY PEOPLE!

Speaking of Pilgrim, the movie is out in a few days! And I still haven't read the last book! Although Ramona has coincidentally similar hair to me for half the trailer!

What's new in the rest of the internet?
bliumchik: Jared Padalecki's thinkyface (deep thought)
I really need to relocate my mornings to the actual, you know, morning. I've lately spent hours after midnight doing nothing in particular and then woken up at one pm, and it's not doing me much good.

So yeah, today was mostly consumed with sleeping and waiting around for a friend to confirm whether or not he was flaking on a thing until it became obvious that he was, in fact, flaking on the thing, by the fact that he had not called me to confirm or deny flaking on the thing. There did eventually turn out to be a good reason, but it has become apparent that I really can't handle not knowing what's going on (especially when a definite cancellation would free me up for something else). I end up all jittery and trying to ring obviously-out-of-reception phones repeatedly and not getting other useful things done (not that that last one is exclusive to this phenomenon :P) and generally not being in the best place. I'm going to have to start mapping things out more thoroughly and explicitly with regards to backup plans and confirmations.

To more cheerful news! I wrote a fic for [community profile] access_fandom's Festibility: The Uncertain Trumpet, X-Men gen.

I mean to write more of those prompts, because there are some really interesting ones, but I figure I should get started on some stuff I promised for [profile] gulf_aid_now. (Also on my epic mess of a room and all the shit I promised myself I'd get done before I turned 21, lol whoops)

Incidentally, I have actually been reading my flist and all while I wasn't posting. This has not helped the situation of my six million tabs, oh well.
bliumchik: THIS IS NOT SPARTA. I AM LOST. (splode?)
Today, I am indignant about Heidegger. Specifically, about his opaque and rambling speech to some architects being foisted on us in a poetics class with zero context. Yes, Martin, it is certainly an excellent idea to give people an essay to talk about, then tell them they are all wrong because the essay is impossible to fully understand wihout reading a bunch of other essays you did not give them, nor indicate they ought to find, not that they would have anyway since three assessments are due in this fortnight, one for your subject.

Not that I'm bitter or anything.

Thinking more about my LURK MOAR epiphany, possibly I should make use of it in class. That way I will figure out that stuff like the above has happened BEFORE I start shooting my mouth off about thing-ness and neuropsychological synthesis and get told off for being too teleological :P

(I did not, incidentally, mean that people who read my journal should lurk moar. TALK TO MEEE)

...I am doing a class in which I can get told off for being too teleological. Ohhhh academia.
bliumchik: Mommy, I dropped my giant cowsicle!  :( (Um.)
Argh. Somehow I have to learn how not to freak out in large groups of people. Either that or identify the critical mass at which just one extra person tips the group over into "too many." I couldn't sleep and I had this long emo rant about bottomless pits and my intimacy issues and then I realised that totally wasn't the point, I was just projecting thanks to reading too much fanfiction: the point was I got edgy when the crowd showed up, mellowed out briefly thanks to something blue in a martini glass (those things are hard to carry, it's like the angle of the glass was purposefully designed for ease of spillage) and possibly should have quit while I was ahead and gone home before I sobered up.

The really interesting thing is that my meltdowns are always postponed these days. Gone are the days of sneaking off to the bathroom in the middle of dinner to wear fingerprints in somebody else's sink and try not to cry. Now all the tension is stored up in my shoulders like a coiling spring to be let out when it's over. On the one hand this means that there is no way to KNOW whether leaving earlier would have been an improvement, but on the other hand it's probably not that healthy. I do it during family fights, as well, in fact we all have the tendency and it means an argument is never really over, because we don't settle it so much as dismiss it, only to have it rise up later as a generic resentment that has no answer.

Another paradox is that I feel like I have to get the rest of my life in order to not feel so unmoored in social situations... yet it's pretty much impossible to find a corner of my life that is NOT social. I should have just gone into science, then I would have had an excuse to be a misfit. Also then I could have built a death ray. It just doesn't feel the same to cackle "I'll show them all! I'll write baffling yet poignant poetry in small obscure magazines and own many strange hats!"
bliumchik: (Default)
Urgh. I don't understand where I caught this cold. I have been hibernating since new year. I haven't SEEN anyone let alone anyone who was sick. WHERE DID IT COME FROM.

I'm all achey and yuck. Last night we finally caught the cricket that got inside somehow (THE CHIRPING IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOOOUSE) and set it free. It was in the shower.

Also I am FINALLY caught up on ALL of my flist including the fandom filter which I kid you not stretched to skip=160, jesus fuck. [ profile] overheardnyc is cluttering up my misc filter...

Oh man. I started this week with a chockablock calendar and everything's fallen off it one by one - which I suppose is lucky because if not then this cold would have kicked the majority. Hopefully I will at least be upright and noncontagious by Sunday, which is double-booked for karaoke birthday parties, lol - I'll probably spend a couple hours at Jenny's and then head over to Cassie's.

bliumchik: (Default)
I am so tired, you guys. I had the beginnings of a headache but went to Escrima anyway because I skipped last week and I knew I'd only feel worse if I didn't go. Except. Then we practiced shoulder rolls. Owww. I am either too bendy or too skinny to execute these without digging some vital yet bony part into the ground.

Also I keep procrastinating on calling the dentist re my wisdom teeth and I have the horrible feeling I've missed yet another chiro appointment and ARGH ARGHARGH. PLZ TO BE RECOVERED FROM UNI ALREADY.
bliumchik: Mommy, I dropped my giant cowsicle!  :( (Um.)
Um um so guys. If one were to hypothetically have accidentally set something on fire in one's kitchen. Say... a plastic chopping board. Are melted plastic fumes harmful in any way?
bliumchik: (Default)
Wow, I'm really NOT getting into the swing of things holiday wise. Maybe I'm still in shock, but instead of, you know, "partaying it on dowwwn" as they say in the hood1 I have spent two days hiding under my blankets at ridiculous hours of the afternoon, snapping at my mother and huddling in front of my computer doing the same things as I was doing to procrastinate on my work, only now I am procrastinating on LIFE. Also after every second LJ comment I leave I am immediately convinced that I just said something incredibly dumb, which is statistically unlikely even for me. I tried going to UNSW's end of session party at Liza's suggestion, but of course forgot that I needed to bring my passport as ID and just had to go home again, which was kind of the epitome of lame.

On the other hand, today I finally picked up my guitar again for the first time in, it feels like months. It may actually be months because my calluses? COMPLETELY GONE. Oww. Also I had to stop after five minutes to cut my nails because it was really uncomfortable. I've let that go for way too long as well, I started typing afterwards and went "Huh. No irritating clicking noise, whaddaya know."

So this is going to be a post about things that make me happy, because that's more fun than whining. There's a reason Marvin was a secondary character in Hitchhiker's and not the hero: there is frankly only so much "I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed" you can take in one sitting. So, current happymaking items!

1. I think I have not yet provided squee here for Empires and their first album, Howl (legitimately downloadable here) but I have so much love for Spit The Dark. And like, a bunch of other songs, Bright Lights and stuff, but I don't know, something about that song just. \o/2

2. Cats. They're still awesome. I'm too lazy and my photographic equipment is too shitty/inconvenient/umkindofmissing to share mine, but have some lolcats!

3. I now have a guitar tuner! My guitar, it is in tune! Like, with an actual objective key, not just with itself! I no longer clash horribly with things! (Except for things in whacky tunings, like, oh, I don't know, EVERYTHING BRAND NEW EVER WROTE? THANKS A LOT GUYS. Fucking flats.)

Not4. ...what the hell, where is my internet? I'M TYPING INTO A VOIIID. ...aaaand we're back.

Actually4. THE ZOMBIES ARE IN THE FORT. <---ridiculous injoke and my new favourite phrase.

5. I nattered on about Stealthgay!Bob to anyone and everyone until [ profile] snarkaddict pinged back and we started throwing plot ideas around. And then tangents about how massive and unweildy GSF gets when you try to include all the wives and girlfriends, requiring Gerard to draw up detailed plans with crosses and arrows and cue cards, and also for some reason Gerard whispering subliminal feminism lectures in Frank's ear when he's asleep until Ray makes him stop. So uh. Now we have THREE fics in progress. *throws up hands in glee and bafflement*

What's making YOU happy?

1Well, not MY hood. And probably not in the actual hood that that phrase was based on, come to think of it, but. As they say in a hood.
2I hope you're happy, [ profile] impertinence, I'm totally a \o/ user now and it's all your fault :P
bliumchik: (Default)
I have my [ profile] apocalyptothon request! I'm sort of disappointed not to have a choice in fandoms, as the only two prompts in my fandoms are in the SAME fandom, but then I realised that if I didn't want to write that fandom I should've just NOT LISTED IT, DUH. Oh well. Apocalypses are fun no matter where you set them!

Argh my laptop screen has randomly developed a dash pattern. It's really irritating! I may have to reboot.

The deth flu is still going strong. Now with supporting acts of period cramps and crushing depression! Yay! I credit my mum with getting me out of bed this morning because I was all set to hibernate indefinitely.

Mmm. I wish I was a bear.
bliumchik: Mommy, I dropped my giant cowsicle!  :( (Um.)
I appear to have spontaneously developed a tendency to notice matching chord progressions. The Dresden Dolls use one sequence that's the same as a Brand New song, and one that I think matches an MCR song. These thoughts just randomly occurred to me while listening to them. I still can't tell what the chords actually ARE though. Oh well! Progress!

What's up with all the spam that's gotten me lately? Bots keep popping up on my msn to go A/S/L and link me to "webcam sites" and complete randoms who are probably sockpuppets keep inviting me to some application on facebook AND some fucker left a comment on my lastfm page with a tinyurl in it supposedly for Bright Eyes ringtones (yeah, right). FUCK OFF AND LEAVE ME ALONE, OH MY GOD.

In other news, my dethflu still sucks.
bliumchik: (Default)
i can has a dethflu. :(

Also, assignment due tomorrow. It's only 500 words but I just REALLY REALLY don't want to do it. So I've spent the day with the word document open going "murgh... after this one game of tetris... and check lj... and some youtube videos of misheard falloutboy lyrics..."

And sniffling. My nose is all red from tissues. And I've got the shakes and a headache and stuff. This really sucks.
bliumchik: Mommy, I dropped my giant cowsicle!  :( (Um.)
bliumchik: Mommy, I dropped my giant cowsicle!  :( (Um.)
I just got home from a faintly blurry school day, only to discover that my whipped cream is no longer whipped. A quick squiz at the ingredients list1 will reveal that it was only nominally cream in the first place, so by rights the whole thing should just cancel itself out. Instead, what we get is sort of... creamy... drizzle. Still good for pie! And crumble. And pudding. Speaking of pudding, one of the myriad of tiny things that stop me short and wave leetle "SCHOOL. IT SHALL BE OVER. FOREVAR" flags at me2: the wednesday market at Fox Studios. I usually wander over in my free periods to snaffle free samples of cheese and mayonnaise and weird sort of not-crackers. The thing I most often actually buy is sticky date pudding3, and I'm clearly a regular customer because the girl at the counter always smiles at me and gives me discounts. This feels odd, and yesterday it occurred to me that after the ninth of November I will have no reason to be hanging around there on a Wednesday. Sic transit... pudding.

Speaking of school, our principal (like my mother) works in mysterious ways. Today I was at the office, getting a heatpack (I told you it was a blurry day) when she strode into the room, brandishing a piece of fancy paper.

"I need an instant audience!" she proclaimed. I clutched my pain relief and edged away.

"That means you too!" Dr Vazza cried.

"..." I said. She proceeded to present some kind of impromptu award to someone called Kerry. I resumed my edging, but she whirled around and pointed at me.

"Where are you going?!" she demanded. "Clap!"

I clapped. We hear and obey, O Vazza.

Tuesday night half my drama class went to see The Story Of The Miracles At Cookie's Table, by Wesley Enoch and awesome. I failed at buses4 on the way there, quite a lot. For a while I distracted myself from my aching shins (for some reason, that's where it hurts when I walk too fast...) by giggling at the phrase "Public Transport Error: Please Reboot Universe" but it could only provide so much amusement and I was still cranky when I finally got there, amazingly on time. The Doctor Who fans among us were trying to explain the concept of the creatures that turn to stone when you look at them. The rest of us didn't quite get it at first until we realised that you can't blink or they'll get you oh my god. Jaws actually dropped! (I think Evelyn will have nightmares.) Then I stuttered a lot, we got front row seats (and nearly impaled by strategically flung forks) and a good time was had by all.

In lulz today, this squirl is pissed, by which I mean fucked, by which I mean on the lam, on a bender and off it's fuzzy little face on pumpkin wine. WIN.

1How exactly does one invert syrup?
2Like a meeting discussing Year Twelve 007 Tshirts, or trying to make a study timetable (go on, laugh) and realising that in two months I won't have any exams to study for.
3It's really, really nice. And the sauce is just brilliant, and, guh. Alas, they don't sell individual portions anymore (well, she made me an exception once because she'd already split a double for a friend of hers) so I have to convince someone to share one with me. Luckily I have lately converted Chloe to the Joys Of Pudding.
4So what else is new, I know, I know.
bliumchik: (Default)
emo blathering, plz don't bother )

My body wants me to do nothing but eat and sleep. I seriously think I'm going into hibernation or something. Wah, I wish I was a bear. Bears don't have to worry about how they relate to other bears... bears relate to other bears by swiping them on the nose and stealing their fish. Also they can sleep through winter. And sleeping through winter and the HSC and all my remaining time at school is looking better and better.
bliumchik: (rage)
...was a cranky day. Now those of you who know me are aware that I am almost supernaturally good-natured, even my temper tantrums are laughable. So my cranky days consist mostly of stomping around, pouting, snapping my fingers and sometimes decorously throwing soft things at other soft things, while loudly proclaiming that the entire universe fails at everything.

Yesterday my mother failed at getting dressed at all before coming to wake me up, BEFORE ELEVEN mind you, to tell me that I was meeting great aunt Nadia in the city in an hour or two to take some jackets to be altered, a development of which I had not previously been aware. So that didn't set the day up very nicely. Then my glasses mysteriously failed to show up, so I had to squint my way to said meeting while carrying a paper carry-bag which completely and utterly failed at being easy to actually, yaknow, carry... thanks to those rope handles that invariably dig into anything you suspend them by, be it the shoulder, elbow or fingers.

By the time I met my aunt, I'd gone right through "wah everything fails" and temporarily come out on the side of "lol everything fails" - I was then very amused to meet a friend of Nadia's and her grand-daughter who had... very visibly failed at not being dressed by elderly female relatives. I mean, poor girl, nobody deserves huge purple sequinned hand-me-downs. I started sliding back down sometime during my aunts pitiful haggling with the seamstress ("cheap, yes?" "normal price" "okay but... cheap?") which inevitably failed, although if she's as good as my aunt says it's worth the price.

Then the friend failed at turning up to meet Nadia for lunch despite arranging a time and place not fifteen minutes ago, so I convinced her to buy me crepes with strawberry jam. These did not fail, except for being tiny. Then my mum showed up and engaged Nadia in spirited conversation about how I should eat more fruit. I hinted that I'd kind of like to get home, since I had actually planned to.. you know, do things today.

"But there's a bookstore right there!" Mum coaxed. Why don't you go spend that twenty I gave you?"

Alas, I am easily persuaded. The store's fantasy/sf section failed at sensible layout, and then my mum wandered in, saw the book I was looking at and told me to just read it in the store instead of spending money. Mmm, tasty mixed messages. So I went "yeah what the hell" and sat there reading the book until a staff member politely informed me that I was blocking the shelves and they kinda had tables over there.

I had indeed failed to notice the tables neatly hidden behind the culinary shelves, so I thanked her and went to sit there and finish reading Colony by Rob Grant, who doesn't fail at anything at all, fond as he is of the deus ex machina. But I still think Incompetence is the funniest book he's ever written, and possibly the funniest book anyone has ever written.

While there I think I incidentally failed at noticing that a guy was trying to start a conversation until he'd already left. Then I failed at city navigation, not braining the dude on the bus next to me with my oversized and inconvenient bag, previously full of clothes, and doing any work for the rest of the day.

Let's just say that by the time my mum got home and dragged me to the gym only to find that pilates had been cancelled, I wasn't in a very good mood AT ALL. In fact, if I'd been an evil mastermind with access to a doomsday machine I would even now have Cyclops and the team manacled to my dungeon wall (in their skintight outfits... Professor X you old pervert) as I cackle manically and prepare to push the big red button OF DETH. I would then be tackled by Wolverine, who my henchmen had left for dead earlier in the night (never a good idea). Because who doesn't enjoy being tackled by Wolverine?

What was I saying? Right. Cranky. Rrr.
bliumchik: Mommy, I dropped my giant cowsicle!  :( (Um.)
Have I mentioned how much I love the rain? Just the sound outside my window sets my blood running, the smell draws me to windows, the gray sky is more beautiful than the brightest blue.

And yet I hate it on days like this - all worked up and no place to go. In this weather one ought to be wrestling with umbrellas and grabbing people's hands and running, laughing, the wet distance between shelter and shelter.

What good is beauty when there's nobody to appreciate it with?
bliumchik: Mommy, I dropped my giant cowsicle!  :( (Um.)
meeelndiana. you're squishy. i need a hug.

Sorry I've been all elsewhere and shit the past few days. Doing an Open Program course at NIDA this week. HSC Drama Workshop. It's cool, but exhausting. 10-5 jumping around yelling at people, essentially. Thus we have not only the physical exhaustion of movement exercises but also the mental exhaustion of dealing with 24 new people, all dramatic types, including your typical cadre of slightly intimidatingly cool (and WAY TOO TALL) guys. The scary girls are oddly absent. But by scary I mean more scary than usual that's not to say the little part of me that's hiding behind a rock going meep when I get in peoples faces and gabble at them wasn't going out of its mind. I mean mine. Whatever.

My new friends include a demigothchik from out near Foster who reminds me oddly of a teenage version of my drama teacher, a quiet guy who's been growing his rattail since year six, a girl who claims to come from a school full of barbie dolls and asks for patience if she forgets to switch it off, a bunch of Napoleon Dynamite fans, two Matts and a Mats, several Rebeccas (one of whom reminds me of Sam), and a boy of slight build with the misfortune of being given the name Constantine by his parents.

Nobody shares my love of livejournal, Heroes or zombies. Foster girl likes hats, which is a start.

I'm behind on everything, and my boyfriend will only be in Sydney for three days in a week or so before flying out to Israel for the rest of the year. But I stuck up all my sketches and things on my bedroom walls, and I've made a start on catching up on Supernatural, and I have had some good advice for my IP. So all is not lost.
bliumchik: Mommy, I dropped my giant cowsicle!  :( (Um.)
Maybe I won't be posting that concert video after all. I haven't had time to do softawre things, but I did finally watch it, and, um.

Well, you see, the thing with that is... turns out that whatever my skills at writing songs, I can't actually sing. Not at all. Can't hold a tune. Can't hold a tune that I wrote, how sad is that? I think I need to have stern words with my singing teacher about white lies.

Oh, there's some quality loss from the whole recording by tiny digital camera thing, yes, but others in the concert didn't sound nearly as bad. I'm afraid I just cannot sing in tune. I was going to say something about how I wish people had told me so earlier, but it occurs to me that I'm actually happier finding out for myself, since this way I can get annoyed at everyone who hasn't told me that I can't sing instead of dying of embarrassment.
bliumchik: (roadblock)
I feel awful and I don't know why.

Um, there was something I was going to say. Right, it was about Dario Fo and his awesomeness.

bliumchik: (Default)
It's a beautiful day. My room smells like wet cat, probably because it contains a wet cat. They say the formal was good. Except the ones that say it wasn't. Nicky was pissed off at the world today because she had to get up at five for training which ended up not happening. I would be too. It's actually kind of funny, though.

Rachel was crying in drama. I felt kind of bad because it was clearly neither controlled nor wanted, and I know what that's like, but I would have felt weird going up to offer my sympathies. In part because I do know, and were I in her position I would not want random classmates I barely talk to coming up and asking me if I was alright, and such things. I'm also a little disturbed that while part of the reason it made me uncomfortable was that it makes me sad when people are sad, the other part was because I didn't know why. I mean, I know technically why, but I don't know what happened. I mean, I couldn't exactly ask her, and Zoe claims to be sick of following the whole saga, which means there is a saga, but... is it weird, that my main problem with someone crying in class is that I don't know the story behind it?

All I can say is I'd better fucking grow up to be a writer. It's clearly that or psychopath, since they're the only other people I've ever heard of thinking like this.


bliumchik: (Default)
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