The Last Bastion Of Absurdity

So yesterday I contributed to the continuing effort by The Goddamn Fishmouse and I to turn our apartment into something less resembling a deathtrap. I did this by purchasing an extension cord and attaching it to the other extension cord which, up till now, connected my computer’s powerboard to the outlet in our bathroom, thus extending the extension cord to an extension which allows us to thread it underneath the door instead of through the side, thus enabling us to close said door when we shower - and, bonus! marginally reduce our risk of electrocution.

Why, you ask, is my computer’s powerboard connected via extensive extension cordage to the power outlet in the bathroom? because (and we did not notice this before I moved in because it is the sort of thing you take for granted, having power outlets in rooms, you know) my room is COMPLETELY DEVOID OF ELECTRIC SOCKETS. It does have a thingy for plugging your TV antenna into, though. Not sure if they thought this was going to be a battery-powered television or what.

This absurd blindness to socket location practicality extends to the kitchen and is next on the un-deathtrapping to do list. We have one of those corner-counter kitchens like I always build on the Sims, where it goes Fridge, Counter, Stove, Counter, Corner Counter, Counter, Sink, with the other two sides of the rectangle being The Third Wall and The Lack Of Fourth Wall Leading To The Living Room. One powerpoint is back behind the fridge and one is over the counter next to it. Guess where the other powerpoint is?

WHY WOULD ANYBODY PUT A POWERPOINT THERE. IT IS NOT NEXT TO ANY OPTIMAL LOCATION FOR KITCHEN ITEMS THAT REQUIRE POWER. IT IS NEXT TO THE SINK.

Yes, that is an extension cable plugged into it. Because, you see, our microwave is on the corner counter, so in order to plug it in we have to stretch a cord either across the stove or across the sink. DEATHTRAAAAAP.

Eventually we’ll use some 3m hooks or duct tape or something to attach a powerboard to the wall above the stove securely enough to leave it there permanently, at which point the bizarre sink-adjacent powerpoint will cease to be in use and presumably feel very sorry for itself.

And then TODAY I tried to donate blood but was turned away for low blood pressure, following which I went and recorded a demo of a new song with Lily. We had an hour of free time at King Sound Studio as a consolation prize from their song competition that we entered. They're good dudes albeit slightly disorganised, but frankly it's the music industry and I, personally, have not a leg to stand on. I'll have the song online once they send it to us :3 my voice was a little rough, but traditionally nobody pays more attention to that than I do.

Hey, internet. Long time no see, unless you hang out on tumblr. Now I am ill and livejournal is unreliable and OBVIOUSLY THIS IS THE BEST TIME TO RETURN TO BLOGGING. In lieu of a huge catchup entry that I will procrastinate on because there is so much stuff to put in it, I am just going to post three random things that have happened since last I wrote here.

1. I had a belated 21st birthday party. But Maggie, I hear you say, is your birthday not in August? why, yes it is! And in honour of my 21st birthday party being closer in date to my 22nd actual birthday than anything else, I dubbed it the Timey Wimey birthday and me and my boyfriend dressed up as the fourth and eleventh Doctors. It was awesome. I got very very drunk, which I maintain was not my fault because my friends mandated that I take a drink every time I interrupted someone else's speech, and they know me.

Also this happened.

2. I won a journal subscription using a tin of sardines. Also I ate the sardines.

There was a book-themed picnic competition listed in the program for the NSW Writers Center inaugural young writers festival - they invited everyone to bring a picnic basket selected to fit a favourite book, e.g. mushroom products for alice in wonderland or whatever. I didn’t realise till a few hours before the thing, so I grabbed some random stuff from my kitchen and a 7/11 on my route to make a Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy spread - a towel, of course, a thermos of tea, a tin of sardines (for Babelfish), some bread to eat the sardines with, and some peanut butter and mixed nuts in honour of the peanuts Ford buys from the bar in Chapter 3 (these latter two from the 7/11). I did not even have time to rustle up Trillian’s salad from the Restaurant at the End of the Universe and a friendly cow toy, I had to get on a bus. I figured people would laugh and share the fruits of their lengthier preparation with me, and everybody would nom in a writerly fashion.

Anyway it turned out nobody else brought anything so I won by default.

3. I am hopefully participating in thissss and it is not too late for you to also participate!


ladiesbigbang: a female-centric panfanwork big bang challenge.
Optional sign-ups open June 1-30th, final drafts due October 1st.
sign-ups: creators | cheerleaders | betas
info: minimums | rules & guidelines | pinch hitting

Internets, I am the most tired. I'm not going to do the spiel about days piling up and journalling procrastination, y'all know it backwards and forwards. JESUS CHRIST I HAVE BEEN BUSY. But now university is done for the semester, and the requisite fortnight of absolutely everybody going HEY GUYS, LET'S HAVE All THE PARTIES WE SAVED UP DURING EXAM PERIOD is done so I no longer have a thousand 21st birthday parties to attend, and I SWEAR BY ALAN MOORE'S PRODIGIOUS BEARD I WILL BLOODY WELL START TO UPDATE REGULARLY.

So! So so so. STATE OF THE MAGGIE.

• Even though uni is done for the year, I am still procrastinating on all the things. Also I think I have RSI from playing too many internet games during said procrastination.
• Yuletide exchange is getting into swing, and I will post a belated letter for my santa today or tomorrow, although they may have strated writing already, but that's okay since it will consist largely of rambling about what is best in life/these canons - my actual requests pretty much pinpointed what stories I want. Now that I am not spending all my energy outside the house I shall be able to start writing my story as well :) although first I have to finish downloading the canon. I swear I USED to have it, no idea where it went.
• I found a tiny lizard in my shower the other day. I was already in so I let it sit there, probably going HOLY SHIT FUCK WATER EVERYWHERE WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON FUCK FUCK, while I finished washing up, and then dried off and chased the poor confused thing till it got on my hand and put it outside.
• This summer I am one of 8 people responsible for putting together my uni's yearly Anthology, which at the moment means reading ALL OF THE MANUSCRIPTS. ALL OF THEM. I had to lug a massive tote bag full of paper across entirely too much public transport and this is only about a third of the stuff. SO MANY PAPERS.
• I've been thinking maybe I should have a 21st after all. This may just be the influence of ALL OF THE PARTIES that I've gone to this week xD but I mean, late is better than never, I guess? And I am no longer of the NEVER WANT TO ORGANISE ANYTHING, TOO STRESSED mindset, or at least I won't be when I recover.
• Today I have had genuine cause to tell someone "Not understanding punctuation is not an alternative lifestyle." Yes, I am smug about it.
• My Vodka Cookbook has gotten some exercise and I am here to tell you that yes, French Toast with alcohol in it IS pretty tasty. Except now I have a jar-ful of vaguely alcoholic syrup in my fridge and no idea what to do with it.
• It's passed six months now with Alexander and basically wonderful. <3
• I have overdone it in the book-buying department and I have ALL THE THINGS TO READ. I'm currently halfway through Alan Moore's Voice of the Fire and also have his Lost Girls and Extraordinary Gentlemen unopened, not to mention Machine of Death, Strahan's Best SF&F of the Year, Frankenstein's Mobster and Gearhead. I also still haven't finished that Patrick Rothfuss book I got at Amanda Palmer's opera house bookswap, and that was SOME TIME AGO. Basically I am going to read all the things, is what I am saying.
• Finally though by no means conclusively BUNNY

I did that thing again. The thing where I don't post for ridiculous lengths of time because a post about some big event is just a-sittin' there in my draft box, steadily receding into the past. I know, we're all shocked.

So I really did spend most of that month procrastinating. I didn't even get much further in Portal, because I was hit by that curious mental tic whereby doing anything substantial is Admitting I Am Not Doing Work. Unlike, say... compulsively refreshing twitter and playing solitaire.

Yup.

But I finally handed everything in, not too late if you don't count extensions, and only slightly under all the given word-counts. Probably a lot of it was a bit shit, but oh well. I got at least one decent poem out of the Culture & Poetics final, a decent novel opening that I can hammer into better shape later (and the realisation that HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS NOVELS ARE LONG), and I had fun writing about tiny communists for Utopias. The stress was probably good for me! Or something.

My final extension ran out oh... a couple of hours before my volunteering gig at Supanova began. So that was good timing! I even managed to get my hair properly bleached for the first time on the way (which: holy burning sensation, Batman!) and which was handy for my Corinthian costume, seen here albeit not in sufficient detail to see the awesomeness of the facepaint on my eyelids. It was generally agreed to be a great outfit! Also, the sunglasses made me feel extremely badass standing next to queues with my arms folded and telling people when they can go forward and when they are in danger of turning into a snarling mob. That was handy because on Saturday morning I got commandeered for that particular duty at the Supanova Store just after doing my make-up but before getting a) my badge and official shift-times and b) breakfast. This is because a shitload more people showed up than expected and allllll of them wanted Lou Ferrigno autographs. Well, no, all the scruffy middle-aged men wanted Lou Ferrigno autographs, everybody else wanted Eliza Dushku autographs. We were so swamped that the coordinators couldn't find anyone to relieve me for another ~three hours (by which time McDonalds were no longer serving breakfast). I felt very put-out about this until I discovered that Jenn, Mish and Nat were about three times as swamped at the photobooth, because everyone and their mum wanted a photo with Eliza or Summer Glau.

Sydney Supanova is held in a big dome thing out in Olympic Park. I camped out at Al's place because a) he actually lives on a train line which significantly reduced my travel time and b) the man is some sort of crazy morning person and was pretty much certain to ensure I was going to be awake by seven. (The whole relationship thing is going well, by the way!) Somehow I still managed to be late on Saturday morning though (hence the lack of breakfast). That is because trains and me? We are not friends. We are not even frenemies, we are more like a rickety wooden bridge over a canyon, and a semi-trailer. I should probably put the rest of this story behind a cut, huh? Ahhh, the return of my epically long posts :D

( TRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS sorry, no, I mean FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAILS no wait, excuse me, this is so embarrassing, EXPLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS fuckit )

I think I have some sort of persistent opportunistic flu infection that pops right up as soon as my immune system is compromised by stress or leaking or lack of sleep. grah. hate. Also I have had a weird skin reaction to this lotion my gran brought back from Israel. Fuck you, dead sea! However this resulted in hilarious twitter conversation yonder:

jk_rockin: you're allergic to the Dead Sea?
me: Apparently so! This does not bode well for any undead israeli boys that want to sweep me off my feet in the future!
fishmouse: Better a vampire than a zombie anyday.
me: yeah I'm pretty sure EVERYONE is allergic to zombies :P
me: oh man, imagine if you were allergic to the kiss of death! talk about adding insult to injury!
me: MOOHAHAHA, NOW YOU ARE VUN OFF USS! ...and svellink up somesink awful. Armand, is zis supposed to happen!?
jk_rockin: ONE OF US ONE OF US ONE OF US

Further such hilarity occurred IRL last night, when I showed up at Jenn's Batcave (a warehouse full of amazing giant piles of junk, omg I wanted to put on a snorkel and wade in) for adventures with hairdye! But first, a scenic detour to the Shire. "Hey Jenn... I think I am on the wrong train. Where is Panania?"

Anyway I have a red skunk stripe now. Oh did I mention I got a superdykey haircut last friday? I did that, yes. It is. Interesting. I can never quite impress upon a hairdresser that MY HAIR IS A LITTLE CURLY and they keep giving me styles I have to straighten bits of otherwise they look ridic. But anyway I have a red fauxhawk with an S-curl and brown lady-sideburns with almost-shaved cut-outs behind them. I like it but I don't think short and rectangular is really my thing in general - next time I will let my hair grow out much longer before I go in, give them something to work with. On the other hand, it looks excellent under hats! :D

A meme I tagged long ago and forgot about:

Reply to this post asking for words and I'll give you five I associate with you, which you then talk about in an entry on your journal!

From amber!

slam poetry: hahaha I am not sure why you associate this with me? I have done it all of twice. I find it interesting how rhythms are different when you're writing poetry to speak aloud, than to look at on a page. It's a matter of long and short beats, internal rhymes and consonance. Whereas book-poetry is less about how the words sound aloud and more how they look on the page, what kind of beats a space, a line break, an indent create. I think the best poetry combines the two, really, but I can't quite express the process.

Russia: ZE MOTHERLAND. lol. I identify as Russian without any particular tie to the place we call Russia, I think that's common to a lot of immigrant kids like me. It's about the language, the food, some little customs and cartoons. Family history plays a part, too, anyone whose family spent a few generations in the Soviet Union generally has a fairly russo-unique set of "grandpa stories" and interesting familial neuroses.

The actual place is by all accounts a corrupt racist alcoholic winter wonderland, but I'd still like to go back there some time just for the novelty of getting by in a language other than english.

neutral_omens: Ahh that old game. A Good Omens based "let's throw some characters into a place and see what happens" roleplay, albeit much smaller than ones like CFUD and la. We actually got together in OOC-chat and worked out bits of plot :P also, it was HILARIOUS (or maybe I just thought it was because I was sixteen). Angels, wizards, demons, an antichrist and some random bewildered humans in a hotel that used to be a satanic nunnery cum paintball retreat? OH yeah. I played Newt Pulsifer, toying with a proto-accident-field-superpower that has inspired a comic book character who now lives in my head. At some point I will script the first issue and find an artist for that.

Here are some of my favourite threads I was in: John Constantine and Newt Pulsifer vs. the Cellophane Beast was fun times, as was American Gods character Loki prodding Newt's Special Fail Powers. That one also resulted in a hilarious AU drawing based on what else could have fallen through the ceiling (hint: there was nudity).

Amanda Palmer: lol this list was given me before Evelyn Evelyn drama drama went down. I should have done it then, I could have gone on about her voice and lyrics and audacity and ability to connect with people instead of her privilege and public relations failure. And after all I said in the last post I STILL ended up arguing about it with strangers on the internet. God, both sides, too! I guess I am just one of those CAN'T SLEEP, SOMEBODY IS WRONG ON THE INTERNET people, regardless of whether that person agrees with me or not. Well, you know, you don't want people who agree with you to be wrong, do you?

Honestly I am more disappointed in the way Amanda has handled this whole fiasco than with the concept of the record. Like, sure, that was problematic, but as an initial provocation on a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 is accidentally saying "stand up for yourself" to a wheelchair-user and 10 is Spartan social darwinism, Evelyn Evelyn is maaybe a three. She could totally have salvaged that situation, but instead she's managed to make everyone who started off going "amanda I love you but I feel a little uncomfortable with this" feel like she sees no difference between us and people who tried to censor Oasis/think her photography is "goffic snuff porn"/hate her for dating Neil Gaiman (disclaimer yes I know those are all different people). For somebody who has cultivated such a feeling of closeness with her fans that just feels like a bit of a betrayal.

Also I am a little disappointed in the manner in which many people pursued this complaint against her in the first place, but that's a whole essay on effective privilege-checking that I want to save until tempers are less frayed, so that I can use this as a specific in the general case without putting people on the defensive.

And speaking of defensive don't even TALK to me about the people jumping in with "it is your responsibility if you feel offended because we choose our feelings" (more or less verbatim from one) because OH MY GOD. Alternating fury and motts at those people, why must you remind me that just because somebody likes the same stuff as me does not mean they are not a douche? (also mottsy because it reminds me of times when I have leapt to the defense of something without thinking, although I can't recall specific instances right now, but that just makes me paranoid!)

talking-really-fast: it's. a thing I do? XD I think out loud, and thoughtspeed is always faster than we are physically capable of forming words, so sometimes I trip over myself. Also sometimes people say "okay now say that again only use a spacebar" (not in so many words). Aside from that it's not much of a thing one way or another. Now talking really LOUD is a real problem I have, whereby I forget that I have a volume setting that can be adjusted until someone goes OMG STFU MAGGIE. (I feel that is a good note on which to end this post.)

So I uh. Apparently my hermit week has affected me more than I thought, since I forsook my escrima class in favour of hiding under the blankets and mumbling to myself. Hay agoraphobia hay! Nice to see you again! Give me a ring in advance next time and I shall bake you muffins! Well in advance, as this would involve learning to bake muffins.

*cough* oh well, I'll go on Wednesday. I went out to the park later and practiced a bit by myself, anyway. For shits and giggles I also did a couple sprint laps - and I mean a couple very literally, not in the modest sense: I was going to do three but I couldn't breathe by the end of the second. *sweatdrops* possibly something to work on.

Anyway, I dug up that Lovecraft In Brooklyn essay! It is behind the cut! We were asked to do a semiotic analysis, which is sort of like a regular analysis only you have to use certain buzzwords like "signified (noun)" (although I actually like some of the buzzwords - "polysemic" is a fucking awesome word) and namedrop Roland Barthes at least once. Go easy on me, it's from first year and while I don't remember specifically, there is pretty much no chance I WASN'T skimming way too close to the deadline. In fact I can tell I was by the ridiculous introduction which was clearly just an attempt to bring the damn thing up to a reasonable wordcount... oh, university. Let's play spot the pastede on yey cultural studies jargon! So much wince. That said, my actual tutor's only real complaint was that I fail at referencing. Which I do. I really kind of suck at it. This would also be something to work on, but so far I am not planning to stick with academia long enough for it to really matter. ...yeah, you guys can all laugh at me when I decide to do honours :P

So here's the essay: no edits, pure Maggie 2008!


( and then the girl behind the counter, she asks me how I feel today )

The sky was taunting us. Not two days ago I had been convinced that summer was coming early, but on the day we set off for Newcastle with tents and sleeping bags in tow the clouds appeared to have settled in for the long haul. “Come to TINA they said,” I grumbled, heaving my backpack into Natalie’s car. “We’ll all camp out, it’ll be fun. Oh yes.”

( We continue... )

Oh my god has it seriously been a month since I updated properly? FAIL, maggie, FAIL. In reparations (and also in honour of the upcoming Supanova con) I bring thee a hilarious Star Trek macro gif! (be patient if it loads slowly it is EPIC)

( I'm a doctor, not a cut tag! )

As Supanova promises to be an epic weekend of geekery and vodka I figured I should sum up the past er um month (*hides*) now or never, so here goes ( Stuff Wot I Have Done (In Vaguely Chronological Order) )

And that, more or less is that! I leave you with an awesome video! Barring drunk-posts from le_culdesac's house, where I am staying for the duration of the con because fucked if I'm catching a bus AND a train every day at seven in the morning, this will probably be the last you hear of me till Monday or Tuesday. I must try to post at apathy_games tonight, and also this thing called Fictioncrush that some Whitechapel folks have been working on, and also prepare cosplay clothes to bring with me tomorrow. Ooh, and I should post that macro to ontd_st! *bustles*

Second batch of popcorn was sort of burnt, but at least we got the margarine right! Also, I introduced Stan to the joy of S'lesses. He pronounced them genius.

S'lesses, for those who have forgotten, are made by placing in the microwave a marshmallow on a cracker, heating it till the marshmallow starts to expand and then placing another cracker on top. It is delicious. My stomach complained afterwards about the fatal combination of pizza, popcorn and marshmallow, of course, but sooo worth it.

But I'm A Cheerleader was lolarious. So was the half a season of Scrubs we watched after! Also Stan introduced me to Dragonball Z Abridged on Youtube and I returned the favour in the form of Marvel/DC Happy Hour, so it was a lulzy evening all round. As per usual I am now covered in dog hair. BIIIIIIIIIIIIIM.

What else of interest has happened this week? Jess's birthday drinks were fun. I got there early (by which I mean only fifteen minutes late) and spent some time sitting on a couch waiting for Jess to show up, being stared at by some old people and a moose skull on a plaque. But then everybody arrived and fun was had! Avi showed up in a new matrix-y coat with zippers everybody proclaimed "gaaaay" but I thought were awesome. I had a brief awkward moment with a guy I gave my number at a party once a year or two ago and then proceeded to ignore because of My Issues - I dealt with this by pretending I could not quite remember where we had met, an ever-so-mature strategy which nevertheless allowed both of us to save face and participate in the awkward small-talk of "nobody else I know is here yet, how about that footy then." Later, I challenged Stan to the failiest game of pool in the universe. Seriously, I kept on accidentally setting them up for him, and he kept on missing, and so did I, and by the end Sasha had to step in and pocket Stan's last ball out of frustration. Not that this helped because Stan then spent about ten turns trying to sink the eight-ball while I took shots at my remaining five fricking balls. Astonishingly I managed to slowly, slowly sink all of them, and then sink the eight-ball before Stan could. It was seriously the worst pool game in the history of everything. XD

In nonfaily news I got an essay back! It was the Intro to Short Fiction one I'd procrastinated on to the point of absurdity and handed in two days late and two hundred words short. The teacher opened the class by warning us that they had marked this with Pass as a baseline according to the criteria, so you really had to be better than "satisfactory" to move up a grade and la la la, and was just sinking down in my chair think I passed or maybe I failed omg and then she refused to give them back until the end of class, NICE GOING THERE. But to my surprise I got a credit! Even after marks deducted for lateness! And then she anonymously mentioned something I'd done as an example of What To Do! I was like sweeeeet!

In conclusion, did you know that Stan did not know Spinal Tap was not a real band? UMLAUT. WE NEEDS MOAR.

I remembered what I wanted to blog about! It's less exciting than it was at three am when I couldn't remember what it was. See, once upon a time I bought a sandwich at my uni cafeteria, as you do. And that day they were handing out freebies with every purchase: tiny little Go Natural bars. I tried to explain to the cashier that I didn't want one, but he gave it to me anywa, and thereupon it sat in my bag for a couple of weeks. Until StressHell Wednesday, when I dashed out of the house with my USB stick and fifteen minutes left before class started, and had no dinner because I was busy photoshopping solar panels onto a roof.

So I was sitting on the bus, and I calmed down enough to realise I was kinda hungry. And I looked in my bag and saw this leetle Go Natural bar. And I thought, look, alright, it's food. I am hungry. I have no idea what it is, but I will eat it. So I unwrap the thing and take a bite.

It's a rock made out of nuts.

I ate it anyway. As a concession to my sense of pride I made faces while I did so, possibly scaring the other passengers or making them think I was on a diet (or you know, little from column A, little from column B...) but I fucking ate it, and thus did not burst into tears at the print shop or faint in class.

For future reference, there is usually a reason they give things away for free...