Captain Oblivious and the Virgin Hair
Apr. 24th, 2009 03:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bliumchikI have this vague plan to go to Supanova in June as Delirium, from Sandman. This plan involves a lot of fishnet and dying my hair orangey-blonde with rainbow streaks. Now because it's a month away I haven't given much thought to the specifics, but then...
Lily: Do you need your hair bleached? My friend Yoko is an apprentice hairdresser and she needs practice with non-Asian hair! It's really cheap because she's a student!
Me: ...
Lily: Her boss is this really famous guy who does six-hundred-dollar haircuts for famous people!
Me: ...kay?
What the hell, I figure, I should get some feeling for what my hair does when it is bleached. So long story short I show up at this salon with Lily. It's called RAR or RAW or something trendy and guttural like that. We hang around for a bit on the fancy cushions waiting for Yoko. Six Hundred Dollar Haircut Guy swans in. He is a bit camp but inexplicably wearing navy tights with suspenders. He's coordinating several students and junior hairdressers, by the look of it.
Finally Yoko shows up - she's very meek and nice and a bit nervous, which makes sense given Mr Six Hundred Dollar Haircut and a chubby pouty blonde who appears to be the most senior of his proteges are rushing about barking orders at people. I sit down in the fancy swingy chair.
Yoko: Okay, so we are going blonde...
Me: Not too blonde though - like if you leave the bleach in for less time, would that leave it darker?
Yoko: Um...
Mr. $600 Haircut: What are we doing here then? Is this the bleach? You can't bleach this, it'll go orange.
Me: Uh... I kind of want that?
Mr. $600 Haircut: *blank look*
Blonde: *blank look*
Mr. $600 Haircut: Why would you want that?
Me: ...okay, see there's this character and I'm going to this convention and long story short yeah I some orange is aye okay! :D
Mr. $600 Haircut: No.
Me: ...
Yoko: ...
Lily (from sidelines): ...
Mr. $600 Haircut: We don't do that here. *to Yoko* You're just going to have to do something else. Give her some streaks, blend some gold colours.
Yoko: Um... so I would use a [hairsp33k with numbers in]...?
Mr. $600 Haircut: You can do ANYTHING. This is virgin hair - is this virgin hair?
Me: ...if by that you mean it has not been dyed before, then yes...
Mr. $600 Haircut: There you go. Use your creativity. Make it look RAWR. And if you don't know what RAUGH is by now I've been wasting my time.
Yoko: Um...
Me: Uh...
Mr. $600 Haircut: *sweeps off*
Now I have no idea what RAW means coming from a guy in navy tights, but it is a month before the con and I don't mind trying out some streaks, so I say so to Yoko, who gets out a form and starts making a record of her intentions towards my hair.
Blonde: Have you decided what colours you're using?
Yoko: Um well I though [hairsp33k]
Blonde: No, no, no, look! Where's your colour wheel? You there! *points at random hair-minion* Bring forth the colour charts!
Minion: *scuttles up with large book full of colour wheels and hair samples*
Blonde: *continues to interrogate Yoko*
Yoko: Okay so I can use... this?
Blonde: No, no, no! This is virgin hair! You need to use these, now what's the base colour of this virgin hair?
Yoko: ...red?
Blonde: Right! So you have to use use [hairsp33k] to counter-
Me: Um, I don't mind a bit of red?
Blonde: ...I thought you came in for a bleach blonde?
Me: Right but that was for a character. Since I'm not getting that it doesn't really matter...
Blonde: *blank look*
Blonde: *turns back to Yoko* Okay so when you combine these [hairsp33k]
Yoko: Okay...
Blonde: VIRGIN HAAAIR
Lily: >_>
Me: <_<
My hair: I feel like a commodity! I've never been so objectified! *sob*
With some further ado Yoko wheels up a cart with four plastic boxes full of white paste on it. Also some spatulas and tin foil. She then pins my hair up with some clips and begins to methodically separate out tiny bits, spatulate some white paste onto them and wrap them in the aforementioned tin foil. This goes on for some time until I resemble nothing so much as a particularly disco Cyberwoman.
Yoko: *wheels out contraption resembling the offspring of a giant magnifying-glass and an old-fashioned radiator*
Me: ...
Contraption: *rotates*
Contraption: Whirrr!
My hair: *mmm toasty warm*
Ten minutes later she switches it off and leads me downstairs to thedungeon hair... washing... room... thing.
Yoko: Just lie back in the chair!
Me: Er... *lies back*
Chair: *whirrs and moves around*
Me: Eep!
Yoko pulls out the foils and washes out the dye with some really nice shampoo and conditioner that leaves my hair feeling totally awesome (but also gets in my ears augh). I thank her and restrain myself from commiserating with her boss-related plight within the hearing of said boss, and then me and Lily skedaddle.
Long story short, I have blonde streaks now! I still need a haircut though. The only real effect at this level of boof is it shines more in the sun.
And that is how I lost my hair virginity! The end!
Lily: Do you need your hair bleached? My friend Yoko is an apprentice hairdresser and she needs practice with non-Asian hair! It's really cheap because she's a student!
Me: ...
Lily: Her boss is this really famous guy who does six-hundred-dollar haircuts for famous people!
Me: ...kay?
What the hell, I figure, I should get some feeling for what my hair does when it is bleached. So long story short I show up at this salon with Lily. It's called RAR or RAW or something trendy and guttural like that. We hang around for a bit on the fancy cushions waiting for Yoko. Six Hundred Dollar Haircut Guy swans in. He is a bit camp but inexplicably wearing navy tights with suspenders. He's coordinating several students and junior hairdressers, by the look of it.
Finally Yoko shows up - she's very meek and nice and a bit nervous, which makes sense given Mr Six Hundred Dollar Haircut and a chubby pouty blonde who appears to be the most senior of his proteges are rushing about barking orders at people. I sit down in the fancy swingy chair.
Yoko: Okay, so we are going blonde...
Me: Not too blonde though - like if you leave the bleach in for less time, would that leave it darker?
Yoko: Um...
Mr. $600 Haircut: What are we doing here then? Is this the bleach? You can't bleach this, it'll go orange.
Me: Uh... I kind of want that?
Mr. $600 Haircut: *blank look*
Blonde: *blank look*
Mr. $600 Haircut: Why would you want that?
Me: ...okay, see there's this character and I'm going to this convention and long story short yeah I some orange is aye okay! :D
Mr. $600 Haircut: No.
Me: ...
Yoko: ...
Lily (from sidelines): ...
Mr. $600 Haircut: We don't do that here. *to Yoko* You're just going to have to do something else. Give her some streaks, blend some gold colours.
Yoko: Um... so I would use a [hairsp33k with numbers in]...?
Mr. $600 Haircut: You can do ANYTHING. This is virgin hair - is this virgin hair?
Me: ...if by that you mean it has not been dyed before, then yes...
Mr. $600 Haircut: There you go. Use your creativity. Make it look RAWR. And if you don't know what RAUGH is by now I've been wasting my time.
Yoko: Um...
Me: Uh...
Mr. $600 Haircut: *sweeps off*
Now I have no idea what RAW means coming from a guy in navy tights, but it is a month before the con and I don't mind trying out some streaks, so I say so to Yoko, who gets out a form and starts making a record of her intentions towards my hair.
Blonde: Have you decided what colours you're using?
Yoko: Um well I though [hairsp33k]
Blonde: No, no, no, look! Where's your colour wheel? You there! *points at random hair-minion* Bring forth the colour charts!
Minion: *scuttles up with large book full of colour wheels and hair samples*
Blonde: *continues to interrogate Yoko*
Yoko: Okay so I can use... this?
Blonde: No, no, no! This is virgin hair! You need to use these, now what's the base colour of this virgin hair?
Yoko: ...red?
Blonde: Right! So you have to use use [hairsp33k] to counter-
Me: Um, I don't mind a bit of red?
Blonde: ...I thought you came in for a bleach blonde?
Me: Right but that was for a character. Since I'm not getting that it doesn't really matter...
Blonde: *blank look*
Blonde: *turns back to Yoko* Okay so when you combine these [hairsp33k]
Yoko: Okay...
Blonde: VIRGIN HAAAIR
Lily: >_>
Me: <_<
My hair: I feel like a commodity! I've never been so objectified! *sob*
With some further ado Yoko wheels up a cart with four plastic boxes full of white paste on it. Also some spatulas and tin foil. She then pins my hair up with some clips and begins to methodically separate out tiny bits, spatulate some white paste onto them and wrap them in the aforementioned tin foil. This goes on for some time until I resemble nothing so much as a particularly disco Cyberwoman.
Yoko: *wheels out contraption resembling the offspring of a giant magnifying-glass and an old-fashioned radiator*
Me: ...
Contraption: *rotates*
Contraption: Whirrr!
My hair: *mmm toasty warm*
Ten minutes later she switches it off and leads me downstairs to the
Yoko: Just lie back in the chair!
Me: Er... *lies back*
Chair: *whirrs and moves around*
Me: Eep!
Yoko pulls out the foils and washes out the dye with some really nice shampoo and conditioner that leaves my hair feeling totally awesome (but also gets in my ears augh). I thank her and restrain myself from commiserating with her boss-related plight within the hearing of said boss, and then me and Lily skedaddle.
Long story short, I have blonde streaks now! I still need a haircut though. The only real effect at this level of boof is it shines more in the sun.
And that is how I lost my hair virginity! The end!
no subject
Date: 2010-11-02 07:57 pm (UTC)