bliumchik | (no subject)

So the info from the hospital arrived today. The operation is conveniently timed to exclude me from Camp :( - March 2. On the bright side, i get medication to abuse :P however I'll be incommunicando for a while since you can't have mobiles in the hospital and while they do have their own phones, you have to pay for them. The "in the event of emergency" instructions inexplicably had two examples: Fire and explosions. Now, I ask you - what kind of explosions is the Royal Hospital for Women likely to have? A particularly forceful miscarriage? Maybe someone was experimenting with the effects of nitroglycerin on menopausal grannies? Oh, I know! Terrorists! Yes, I can see it now:

"Ah, I'm pregnant, and uh, here to have a baby. Because I'm pregnant. Yah."
"Sir, you're a man."
"Uh... well be that as it may, I'm pregnant, as you can see because I'm excessively pregnant, so i must be pregnant, mustn't I?"
"Sir, babies don't usually come that lumpy. Are you carrying twenty kilograms of explosives under your... dress?"
"No."
"Oh, well, that's all right then. Sign these forms and step right through. And don't forget your medicare card!"

I'm not allowed to eat or drink on the day of the explosion, sorry operation. The day before I'm basically limited to tea and Gatorade (for some reason) and two days before I'm allowed milk products like soup. You know, I have never eaten any soup that was a milk product. I wonder what they do for lactose-intolerant people? Anyway, I'm gonna be kinda hungry for a while. I also get funky prescriptions and some kind of stocking.

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