The Great Heterosexual Penis?

[bliumchik]

It really was as embarrassing as my drunk post made it sound.

Mum: You still like boys and not girls, I hope?
Me: Why do you hope?
Mum: Cos, you know. Boys are better. They have the equipment.
My brain: AUGH. *Shuts down*
My mouth (on autopilot): Technically these days you can buy equipment in stores.
Mum: It's just not the same...
My brain: *snaps out of it in horror*
Me: WE WILL NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN.

The story prompted some discussion at school as to how various parents would react to their daughter batting for the other team - including people I'm pretty sure are not (although technically most of us aren't batting at all... this metaphor needs work.¹). Diana had conveniently already given her parents a Hypothetical by cunningly telling them that her Chinese teacher reckoned Asian parents would kick you out of home, and would you really mum?

Her answer was, basically, "Nooot... kicked out as such. But I would nag you until you broke up with her."

Ruxi ventured to predict that her mother would tell her she'd broken her heart, and then break her legs.

Nicky, bless'er, smugly declared that her parents would simply be relieved that she wasn't pregnant.

So I'm thinking team European Parents win two to zero point five here.

Speaking of Ruxi (but otherwise unrelated), she caused hysterics at the bus stop today by donning Jenny's red headband with a bow on it. It was just like that scene from Saiunkoku where the official takes off his mask and everybody is blinded by his beauty² - for some reason Ruxi in a headband with a bow on it has the Cute Power of several pet stores worth of chinchillas. She'll never live it down :P

---

¹ For one thing, who's pitching? And can we buy hot dogs?
² For a given value of "just like," alright.

Comments

[ambient-hermes.livejournal.com]

Oh, this post is made of gold.

I approve and can not stop giggling. Hurrah for crazy parents reacting to news of their child's sexuality!

[lackofmendacity.livejournal.com]

The chinchilla... 'tis cute!! :D

Damn, I wanted to see Ruxi with pretty read headband. *pouts*

I'm still thoroughly amused, albeit worried, that you actually said, "Technically these days you can buy equipment in stores." 0_o

Ooh, did I earn our team half a point? :) I think we actually lose that half point if you consider that straight after informing me it was abnormal and that I would be forced to endure constant reprimandings did I 'bat for the other team', also that I was expected to marry some doctor-type and have babies. *sighs*

[iconicmystery.livejournal.com]

Me too, hon. Not to mention we were watching Fingersmith the other night (great lesbian love story by Sarah Waters) and after this beautiful sex scene Mum goes: "...Is that IT?" and Dad says: "I thought there was more to it than that," in this voice where you can just hear him thinking "That's not as hot as it's supposed to be..."

Also, ever heard that old adage? The three answers every lesbian should give the minute she meets any man?
1. Yes, we are.
2. No, you can't.
3. Yes, sometimes we use one of those.

:P

[lackofmendacity.livejournal.com]

Ahahaha, that is so cute! :D Not sure if I'll actually try it on anyone, but heheh, I love how it reinforces stereotypes all around.

Your parents certainly are open-minded, so yay for you! *hugs*

[iconicmystery.livejournal.com]

Lol, 'tis funny. I especially love the way they'll let my girlfriend spend the night in my room but blokes, even gay blokes, must sleep downstairs. In a seperate room with a locked door. :P

[sigma7.livejournal.com]

Just remember, any further down this conversational path with your parents and you risk permanent damage. Don't let your mother get started on the specific pros/cons of natural versus artificial, er, bats, or you may lose your whole frontal lobe.

Yes, the metaphor does need work. So does the whole bases-system, for that matter; it's based on a competitive sporting event, and ideally, it shouldn't be a competition; if it is, you're doing it wrong. I don't think the second baseman has picked up a baserunner and carried him up and down the bases in the entire history of the MLB.

[impertinence.livejournal.com]

My parents wouldn't be surprised in the slightest. Heh.

[cynicky.livejournal.com]

Oooo, I got blessed! *snicker*

that post is great though

[iconicmystery.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm. Well, it's happened before, a couple of times, and I think I can safely say it comes in several stages:

1. (Teh Gay Stage)
Dad: Whatever. I don't even get straight women. Feel free to borrow my ties.
Mum: Of course you are, dear.
Mum's Alter Ego: Ha. Ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha hahahahAHAHAHAHAHA *starts hyperventilating slightly* It's just. a phase. Julie. She'll grow out of it. Soon. It's all OK. Everything is going to be all right. Just breathe.
Grandma: Oh. Well. If you want, dear. But I don't think it's right with the Bible...

2. (Teh Bi Stage)
Dad: But...but, you liked girls? Right? Oh, whatever. You can still borrow my ties!
Mum: We support you whatever you are, dear.
Mum's Alter Ego: Yes! Yes! She's finally coming out of the Phase! I will have grandchildren!
Grandma: I don't think that is ever even *mentioned* in the Bible...

3. (Teh "Sister is Gay and I am Straight" Stage)
Dad: Another one. Oh God. Too many women. I'm going to bed.
Mum: What...? But....? You...?!?!
Mum's Alter Ego: GEORGIA ELISE HOPKINS, DON'T YOU DARE INFECT YOUR SISTER!!!

4. (Teh "Actually We're Both Gay" Stage")
Dad: Back to bed. You can still both borrow my ties.
Mum: LAALSDFJALSDHFALKSDHF!
Mum's Alter Ego: I still have one. Relax, breathe. I still have one normal one.

Yes. And that's where it is now. :P

[maggiebloome.livejournal.com]

Oh no your poor mother. :P She'll have an aneurysm.

[iconicmystery.livejournal.com]

Haha, I think she already has...several. :P

[lackofmendacity.livejournal.com]

Oh dear. I know this is supposed to be a serious issue, but... *laughs uncontrollably*

Do keep us updated if any more stages pop up, okay? :D

[maggiebloome.livejournal.com]

Oh god I can only imagine! What next, the "She's bicurious and I'm a polygothdom"?

[lackofmendacity.livejournal.com]

Polygothdom? 0_o

Don't forget, Olivia does have another sister... *grins*

[iconicmystery.livejournal.com]

Haha, yes, yes I do. We're working on her :P

[iconicmystery.livejournal.com]

Oh, oh I will!