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bliumchikWe big with a Road Trip Timeline:
7:00 am. Awoken by mother. Informed that it is imperative that I get up and dressed as Stans family will be arriving any minute, whereupon we shall leave.
7:30 am. Stumble downstairs for breakfast. Family members present: 0. Their voices, however, are very audible from above.
8:30 am. Dressed and ready, go through my bag one more time to make sure I have everything. Smugly point out that there was a REASON I stopped my mother from removing the pile of clothes from my desk last night.
9:10 am. Stans family arrive. Father and I more or less ready, although certain to have forgotten something or other. Mother running around the house in a state of undress to inform us that we have forgotten things. Brother running around the house in one shoe to inform us that trains are nice.
10:00 am. Stuff is all packed. Stan and I ferry suitcases to car and wait there with brother, who is running around and babbling.
10:30 am. Everyone outside and waiting except for mother, who is performing mysterious rituals or something.
11:00 am. Pull out of driveway. Rousing cheer.
11:05 am. Pull into petrol station. Facepalm.
11:30 am. The realisation of exactly how long this road trip is going to be slowly sinks in. Stan brightly suggests he teach me calculus.
12:00 pm. Are stuck in Infinite Traffic Loop Of Doom. Accept offer of calculus lessons. Stan complains about missing parties.
1:00 pm. This is about the point where any normal persons arse gives up the ghost and falls asleep. Conspire to not get my boyfriend drunk and cut all his hair off AT ALL you hear?! Ahem.
1:30 pm. Am carsick. Distract myself by looking at the scenery. Stan suggests keeping an eye out for cows to tip. Am provided with disturbing imagery of tipping waiters. This results in loud cries of "LIVESTOCK!" whenever black dots are sighted on hillsides. Pun is made on the topic of WOODSTOCK. Reply that hippy tipping would be an awesomely fun pastime.
2:00 pm. Brief stop for the leg stretchy on obsure grassy patch. Can't complain as it had toilets. Said toilets were clearly designed by either a giant or a very, very perverted midget, as the cubicle walls were high enough off the ground for my brother to walk under them without much discomfort. Also, a lady bug threw up on me.
2:30 pm. Suddenly overwhelmed by a feeling of extreme lankiness. Wax philosophical on the topic. Small cars: my anti-drug.
3:00 pm. Rest break in Orange, which is orange. They have the most amazingly European vegetation. Watched a bug drown in Stan's cup of tea, which was fascinating, and visited a gift shop which sold bottles of Strawberry and Champagne Sauce. Also, wooden apples. Apples from Orange, geddit? Oh, how we laughed.
4:00 pm. Occupy ourselves with intense debate on the topic of Chuck Norris.
5:00 pm. Getting dark. Take very dodgy photos with my phone. These will be posted when I work out how to get them onto the computer.
6:00 pm. The body joins the arse in slumber.
7:00 pm. Finally arrive in Dubbo. Argh. Yay.
And then we arrived, and inspected our motel room. Cable TV! Dodgy air conditioner which announces its existence with a happy trill of chainsaw buzzing. Tomorrow's breakfast and dinner provided, but unfortunately not kosher le pesach.
Stan: Oh snap.
We partook of explosive potatoes and cardboardy fishcakes. There was no table to speak of, so we spread out a towel on my bed. There was no cutlery at all, so my dad lent us his HUUUGE fishing knife for the spreading of the butter. Link to photo to be inserted here. Another charming feature of our quaint little motel (and yes, Dubbo was VERY picturesque) was a haunted cupboard. Everytime you close one door, another one opens. I amused myself for a while watching Stan close doors and shift his chair in an attempt to get them both to stay closed at once, and then picked up the sheath of my dad's HUUUUGE butterknife and jammed it between the handles. Stan looked appropriately sheepish.
Now, when I said we had cable TV, what I mean is that we had five extra channels, and it was tinted green. Do you know how trippy the discovery channel is when the borders of everything are green? Dude. Whoah. I switched to a random channel and had to turn it off because of an intense fit of giggles at the physical impossibility that is JAMES BOND ON A PLAAAAANE. Or parachuting off one, strictly speaking. It was, how shall I put it? A bit sus. James Bond? On MY plane? It's more common than you think...
Later we went for a walk to determine whether Dubbo had any nightlife to speak of. It probably did - in someone's basement. We did pass a large amount of fast food places to taunt Stan with, though. Also, a few cars full of yelling twenty-somethings. And a motel right next to ours which advertised... WIRELESS INTERNET. Oh, how we bemoaned our fate.
That was really the first day in a nutshell. Tune in whenever I stop procrastinating for an exciting recunt of Day Two, In Which We Go To The Zoo.
7:00 am. Awoken by mother. Informed that it is imperative that I get up and dressed as Stans family will be arriving any minute, whereupon we shall leave.
7:30 am. Stumble downstairs for breakfast. Family members present: 0. Their voices, however, are very audible from above.
8:30 am. Dressed and ready, go through my bag one more time to make sure I have everything. Smugly point out that there was a REASON I stopped my mother from removing the pile of clothes from my desk last night.
9:10 am. Stans family arrive. Father and I more or less ready, although certain to have forgotten something or other. Mother running around the house in a state of undress to inform us that we have forgotten things. Brother running around the house in one shoe to inform us that trains are nice.
10:00 am. Stuff is all packed. Stan and I ferry suitcases to car and wait there with brother, who is running around and babbling.
10:30 am. Everyone outside and waiting except for mother, who is performing mysterious rituals or something.
11:00 am. Pull out of driveway. Rousing cheer.
11:05 am. Pull into petrol station. Facepalm.
11:30 am. The realisation of exactly how long this road trip is going to be slowly sinks in. Stan brightly suggests he teach me calculus.
12:00 pm. Are stuck in Infinite Traffic Loop Of Doom. Accept offer of calculus lessons. Stan complains about missing parties.
1:00 pm. This is about the point where any normal persons arse gives up the ghost and falls asleep. Conspire to not get my boyfriend drunk and cut all his hair off AT ALL you hear?! Ahem.
1:30 pm. Am carsick. Distract myself by looking at the scenery. Stan suggests keeping an eye out for cows to tip. Am provided with disturbing imagery of tipping waiters. This results in loud cries of "LIVESTOCK!" whenever black dots are sighted on hillsides. Pun is made on the topic of WOODSTOCK. Reply that hippy tipping would be an awesomely fun pastime.
2:00 pm. Brief stop for the leg stretchy on obsure grassy patch. Can't complain as it had toilets. Said toilets were clearly designed by either a giant or a very, very perverted midget, as the cubicle walls were high enough off the ground for my brother to walk under them without much discomfort. Also, a lady bug threw up on me.
2:30 pm. Suddenly overwhelmed by a feeling of extreme lankiness. Wax philosophical on the topic. Small cars: my anti-drug.
3:00 pm. Rest break in Orange, which is orange. They have the most amazingly European vegetation. Watched a bug drown in Stan's cup of tea, which was fascinating, and visited a gift shop which sold bottles of Strawberry and Champagne Sauce. Also, wooden apples. Apples from Orange, geddit? Oh, how we laughed.
4:00 pm. Occupy ourselves with intense debate on the topic of Chuck Norris.
5:00 pm. Getting dark. Take very dodgy photos with my phone. These will be posted when I work out how to get them onto the computer.
6:00 pm. The body joins the arse in slumber.
7:00 pm. Finally arrive in Dubbo. Argh. Yay.
And then we arrived, and inspected our motel room. Cable TV! Dodgy air conditioner which announces its existence with a happy trill of chainsaw buzzing. Tomorrow's breakfast and dinner provided, but unfortunately not kosher le pesach.
Stan: Oh snap.
We partook of explosive potatoes and cardboardy fishcakes. There was no table to speak of, so we spread out a towel on my bed. There was no cutlery at all, so my dad lent us his HUUUGE fishing knife for the spreading of the butter. Link to photo to be inserted here. Another charming feature of our quaint little motel (and yes, Dubbo was VERY picturesque) was a haunted cupboard. Everytime you close one door, another one opens. I amused myself for a while watching Stan close doors and shift his chair in an attempt to get them both to stay closed at once, and then picked up the sheath of my dad's HUUUUGE butterknife and jammed it between the handles. Stan looked appropriately sheepish.
Now, when I said we had cable TV, what I mean is that we had five extra channels, and it was tinted green. Do you know how trippy the discovery channel is when the borders of everything are green? Dude. Whoah. I switched to a random channel and had to turn it off because of an intense fit of giggles at the physical impossibility that is JAMES BOND ON A PLAAAAANE. Or parachuting off one, strictly speaking. It was, how shall I put it? A bit sus. James Bond? On MY plane? It's more common than you think...
Later we went for a walk to determine whether Dubbo had any nightlife to speak of. It probably did - in someone's basement. We did pass a large amount of fast food places to taunt Stan with, though. Also, a few cars full of yelling twenty-somethings. And a motel right next to ours which advertised... WIRELESS INTERNET. Oh, how we bemoaned our fate.
That was really the first day in a nutshell. Tune in whenever I stop procrastinating for an exciting recunt of Day Two, In Which We Go To The Zoo.
