Of Shakespeare and Toast
Sep. 25th, 2005 07:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bliumchikSo on Saturday I went to see Measure for Measure with Avi and his dad. Lunch at Avi's was awkward, I haven't been anywhere near Kiddush for years. And I swear that dog gets boisterouser and boisterouser day by day. Afterwards we dropped in on avi's Dad's office, where he picked up some papers and I ate a packet of sugar.
The following is a recap of Measure for Measure:
Measure For Measure In A Nutshell (mmm, nuts)
Duke: Everybody sucks, I'm going on vacation.
Angelo: Would you like me to impersonate a wooden pole while you are gone, sir?
Duke: Certainly, my good deputy. Have some bling. *skips off*
Escalus: Ooh, paper envelopes.
***
Lucio: Yo dawg. I'm cool, man.
Claudius: I say, guard, could you stop dragging me and my pregnant girlfriend away in chains for a moment while I have a chat with this guy? Thanks ever so.
Lucio: LOL d00d u suxx0rz how cum u got pwned by the pigs?
Claudius: Sex.
Lucio: A-wha? (in a cool manner)
Claudius: Sex. This deputy guy doesn't like it.
Lucio: He don't like my ASS! You gotta be shittin me!
Claudius: Nuh-uh. They're gonna chop off my head.
Lucio: WHICH ONE!!! *winknudge* HAHAHA I'm so cool.
Claudius: Not funny man. Not funny. Well, I gotta be off to jail now. Come along, guardsperson.
***
Duke: Hehehe, I'm wearing a hood - that means nobody will recognise my voice! Ahem. *adjusts priestly robes* Does my ego look big in this?
***
Random Nun: Now, Isabella, get the door, for you are but a novice, and I, a full nun, cannot speak to men, for they may faint at my utterly hot lack of availability. *waxes mustache*
Isabella: Uh, yeah. Who ist that knocks without, and stuff?
Lucio: Hey babe, it's Lucio *wink* whatsay you n' me - no? Ah, well then, your brother's sentenced to be executed for screwing some chick, thought you ought to know. *preens*
Isabella: Oh, alas!
Lucio: *huggles*
Isabella: Ew!
***
Pimpy Pimpety Pimp McPimperson: Eheheheh, I'ma the sleazeh!
Drag Queen: I ehm ze vohman!
Pimpety: Yeah, yeah, I'll light your cigarette, but we're in trouble - this Angelo person's closing down the brothels!
Drag Queen: Momma mia! That frigid bastard!
***
Angelo: *adjusts bling*
Isabella: Spare my brother!
Angelo: No.
Isabella: Spare my brother, er, please!
Angelo: Uhm, no.
Isabella: Waah!
Lucio: Stop being such a cold fish!
Isabella: Er, by the power of metaphor, spare my brother!
Angelo: Eh, no.
Isabella: By the power of excessive purple prose, spare my brother!
Angelo: Damn, you're hot.
Lucio: Bingo!
Angelo: Perhaps we can come to an, er, arrangement? *lechers*
Isabella: What?
Angelo: You know, if one were to wish to save ones brother, one might, ah, perform certain ah, acts of ah,
Isabella: *waves leetle flag of naivety*
Angelo: Oh for the- FUCK ME and I'll let your brother go.
***
Claudius: Alas, I am condemned and stuff.
Duke: Heheh, I am cleverly concealed behind a potted plant that has no business being in a jail anyway.
Isabella: Um... I'm not sure how to tell you this...
Claduius: You're gonns WHAT?!
Isabella: I'm not!
Caudius: Oh, phew. ...but, you know... I mean it's not THAT big a deal... I mean we're talking about saving my life here... I don't suppose you could...
Isabella: ... ... *edges away*
***
Isabella: Alas, I am lost!
Duke: But wait! I have a solution! (Also, I'm being like totally priestly). Listen, Isabella, I know this guy who knows this chick who used to be engaged to Angelo...
Isabella: Hooray, I am saved!
***
Lucio: Yo! Mista preacher man! Word on the street's Angelo wants to close down the brothels. I tell ya, thois wouldn't be happening if the ol' Duke was here.
Duke: *cough*
Lucio: As a matter of fact, I knew the man personally!
Duke: Uh... you the what? Who are you anyway?
Lucio: I'm the coolest guy on the block, and let me tell'ya, that Duke was an old rascal. *wink* Women, everywhere.
Duke: A- wha- buh... *splutters in impotent rage*
Lucio: *proceeds to dig hole*
***
Escalus: *enters dragging Pimpety by the ear*
Pimpety: Oh mah god you leh! I swear I'm innocent!
Escalus: You're a pimp. You can either rot in jail, or... ... ... or uh... ... ... hmm.... Hey, Abhorson!
Executioner: Behold my butchers apron, rubber gloves and Neo sunglasses! What did you want me and my huge assortment of ropes, axes and cleavers for?
Escalus: You need a new assistant, right?
Pimpety: Yeah, right on, brotha!
Executioner: *glares*
***
Angelo: Phwoar, hot sex that I've never felt a need to indulge in before meeting a nun, here I come!
Mariana: Hi, I'm like totally Isabella. *hair-twirls*
***
Escalus: Hey, uh, priest-guy. I'm feeling kinda bad about executing this Claudius guy.
Duke: Heheheh, fear not! Look, someone's brought you an envelope! *wink*
Escalus: Uh.... this is an order to kill him right now, and send Angelo his head.
Duke: ...ubawha?
Escalus: Oh well. Abhorson!
Executioner: *enters dragging Pimpety by the ear* sir?
Duke: Wait! Look, a guy in this prison just died. He's blonde. Claudius is blonde. Why not send Angelo HIS head?
Escalus: say, for a priest you're a bit-
Duke: SEND FOR THE DEAD BODY!!
***
Isabella: Oh, yay, thanks to Mariana my brother is alive!
Duke: Er, I hate to break this to you...
Isabella: It can't be! *collapses in tears* I metaphorically gave up my virginity for this!
Duke: Er, there there. *huggles* Listen, I uh... hear the Duke comes back tomorrow. Why don't you petition him? Bring Mariana.
***
Duke: Behold! For I have returned!
Angelo: Would you like your bling back, sir?
Duke: Angelo, you rock. Now if anyone wants *coughJUSTICEcough* - no? Very well then, off we go!
Isabella: Wait! I accuse Angelo of things!
Duke: Don't be ridiculous! Angelo is an honest man and you're a woman.
Isabella: I want my justice, dammit!
Mariana: Yeah!
Lucio: Dude! ...no, i don't know why I'm here either. I'm just too cool to not be!
Duke: What EVAR!
Isabella: But the priesty guy told me you'd give me justice!
Lucio: That priest guy's a bastard. He's no priest, he's a lecher! And he was talking shit about your dukeyness!
Duke: ... oh you are in for a surprise. You know what - Angelo and Escalus can judge this case. I'm off.
Isabella: Butbutbut!
Duke: Aheheh. *runs off to put on robe*
Mariana: Angelo, you bastard. I was going to marry you, although you can't recognise me in my sunglasses, and we had sex last night, so there!
Everybody: Le Gasp!
Duke: *enters holily* What seems to be the matter?
Lucio: There he is, that prick! Nyer!
Duke: ...that's it. *disrobes*
Everbody: Le Gasp!
Lucio: ...ohfuck.
Duke: Hear Hear. I know everything that's happened recently. I sentence Angelo to... MARRY MARIANA! Lucio - I heard you got a woman pregnant. You can marry her, too. Oh, and by the way, Claudius is alive.
Everbody: *stunned silence*
Mariana: Yayz!
Duke: Oh, btw, Isabella - marry me.
Isabella: *glares*
Curtain: *drops*
The following is a recap of Measure for Measure:
Measure For Measure In A Nutshell (mmm, nuts)
Duke: Everybody sucks, I'm going on vacation.
Angelo: Would you like me to impersonate a wooden pole while you are gone, sir?
Duke: Certainly, my good deputy. Have some bling. *skips off*
Escalus: Ooh, paper envelopes.
***
Lucio: Yo dawg. I'm cool, man.
Claudius: I say, guard, could you stop dragging me and my pregnant girlfriend away in chains for a moment while I have a chat with this guy? Thanks ever so.
Lucio: LOL d00d u suxx0rz how cum u got pwned by the pigs?
Claudius: Sex.
Lucio: A-wha? (in a cool manner)
Claudius: Sex. This deputy guy doesn't like it.
Lucio: He don't like my ASS! You gotta be shittin me!
Claudius: Nuh-uh. They're gonna chop off my head.
Lucio: WHICH ONE!!! *winknudge* HAHAHA I'm so cool.
Claudius: Not funny man. Not funny. Well, I gotta be off to jail now. Come along, guardsperson.
***
Duke: Hehehe, I'm wearing a hood - that means nobody will recognise my voice! Ahem. *adjusts priestly robes* Does my ego look big in this?
***
Random Nun: Now, Isabella, get the door, for you are but a novice, and I, a full nun, cannot speak to men, for they may faint at my utterly hot lack of availability. *waxes mustache*
Isabella: Uh, yeah. Who ist that knocks without, and stuff?
Lucio: Hey babe, it's Lucio *wink* whatsay you n' me - no? Ah, well then, your brother's sentenced to be executed for screwing some chick, thought you ought to know. *preens*
Isabella: Oh, alas!
Lucio: *huggles*
Isabella: Ew!
***
Pimpy Pimpety Pimp McPimperson: Eheheheh, I'ma the sleazeh!
Drag Queen: I ehm ze vohman!
Pimpety: Yeah, yeah, I'll light your cigarette, but we're in trouble - this Angelo person's closing down the brothels!
Drag Queen: Momma mia! That frigid bastard!
***
Angelo: *adjusts bling*
Isabella: Spare my brother!
Angelo: No.
Isabella: Spare my brother, er, please!
Angelo: Uhm, no.
Isabella: Waah!
Lucio: Stop being such a cold fish!
Isabella: Er, by the power of metaphor, spare my brother!
Angelo: Eh, no.
Isabella: By the power of excessive purple prose, spare my brother!
Angelo: Damn, you're hot.
Lucio: Bingo!
Angelo: Perhaps we can come to an, er, arrangement? *lechers*
Isabella: What?
Angelo: You know, if one were to wish to save ones brother, one might, ah, perform certain ah, acts of ah,
Isabella: *waves leetle flag of naivety*
Angelo: Oh for the- FUCK ME and I'll let your brother go.
***
Claudius: Alas, I am condemned and stuff.
Duke: Heheh, I am cleverly concealed behind a potted plant that has no business being in a jail anyway.
Isabella: Um... I'm not sure how to tell you this...
Claduius: You're gonns WHAT?!
Isabella: I'm not!
Caudius: Oh, phew. ...but, you know... I mean it's not THAT big a deal... I mean we're talking about saving my life here... I don't suppose you could...
Isabella: ... ... *edges away*
***
Isabella: Alas, I am lost!
Duke: But wait! I have a solution! (Also, I'm being like totally priestly). Listen, Isabella, I know this guy who knows this chick who used to be engaged to Angelo...
Isabella: Hooray, I am saved!
***
Lucio: Yo! Mista preacher man! Word on the street's Angelo wants to close down the brothels. I tell ya, thois wouldn't be happening if the ol' Duke was here.
Duke: *cough*
Lucio: As a matter of fact, I knew the man personally!
Duke: Uh... you the what? Who are you anyway?
Lucio: I'm the coolest guy on the block, and let me tell'ya, that Duke was an old rascal. *wink* Women, everywhere.
Duke: A- wha- buh... *splutters in impotent rage*
Lucio: *proceeds to dig hole*
***
Escalus: *enters dragging Pimpety by the ear*
Pimpety: Oh mah god you leh! I swear I'm innocent!
Escalus: You're a pimp. You can either rot in jail, or... ... ... or uh... ... ... hmm.... Hey, Abhorson!
Executioner: Behold my butchers apron, rubber gloves and Neo sunglasses! What did you want me and my huge assortment of ropes, axes and cleavers for?
Escalus: You need a new assistant, right?
Pimpety: Yeah, right on, brotha!
Executioner: *glares*
***
Angelo: Phwoar, hot sex that I've never felt a need to indulge in before meeting a nun, here I come!
Mariana: Hi, I'm like totally Isabella. *hair-twirls*
***
Escalus: Hey, uh, priest-guy. I'm feeling kinda bad about executing this Claudius guy.
Duke: Heheheh, fear not! Look, someone's brought you an envelope! *wink*
Escalus: Uh.... this is an order to kill him right now, and send Angelo his head.
Duke: ...ubawha?
Escalus: Oh well. Abhorson!
Executioner: *enters dragging Pimpety by the ear* sir?
Duke: Wait! Look, a guy in this prison just died. He's blonde. Claudius is blonde. Why not send Angelo HIS head?
Escalus: say, for a priest you're a bit-
Duke: SEND FOR THE DEAD BODY!!
***
Isabella: Oh, yay, thanks to Mariana my brother is alive!
Duke: Er, I hate to break this to you...
Isabella: It can't be! *collapses in tears* I metaphorically gave up my virginity for this!
Duke: Er, there there. *huggles* Listen, I uh... hear the Duke comes back tomorrow. Why don't you petition him? Bring Mariana.
***
Duke: Behold! For I have returned!
Angelo: Would you like your bling back, sir?
Duke: Angelo, you rock. Now if anyone wants *coughJUSTICEcough* - no? Very well then, off we go!
Isabella: Wait! I accuse Angelo of things!
Duke: Don't be ridiculous! Angelo is an honest man and you're a woman.
Isabella: I want my justice, dammit!
Mariana: Yeah!
Lucio: Dude! ...no, i don't know why I'm here either. I'm just too cool to not be!
Duke: What EVAR!
Isabella: But the priesty guy told me you'd give me justice!
Lucio: That priest guy's a bastard. He's no priest, he's a lecher! And he was talking shit about your dukeyness!
Duke: ... oh you are in for a surprise. You know what - Angelo and Escalus can judge this case. I'm off.
Isabella: Butbutbut!
Duke: Aheheh. *runs off to put on robe*
Mariana: Angelo, you bastard. I was going to marry you, although you can't recognise me in my sunglasses, and we had sex last night, so there!
Everybody: Le Gasp!
Duke: *enters holily* What seems to be the matter?
Lucio: There he is, that prick! Nyer!
Duke: ...that's it. *disrobes*
Everbody: Le Gasp!
Lucio: ...ohfuck.
Duke: Hear Hear. I know everything that's happened recently. I sentence Angelo to... MARRY MARIANA! Lucio - I heard you got a woman pregnant. You can marry her, too. Oh, and by the way, Claudius is alive.
Everbody: *stunned silence*
Mariana: Yayz!
Duke: Oh, btw, Isabella - marry me.
Isabella: *glares*
Curtain: *drops*
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Date: 2005-09-25 11:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-25 11:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-09-28 05:14 pm (UTC)