VICTORY IS MIIIINE

I'm at Mel's, slightly drunk. I'm showing people music videos and traumatising her little sister with Ebichu (because she has a little hamster doll that resembles it. I have been picking it up and shouting UNMENTIONABLE PANTIES! YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!) and did you know her parents blutack little motivational lists to their walls. It's sort of creepy.

Observe: a sample. Note the sickening platitudes, mild repetition issues and passive-aggressive circling of "change your habits."

Anyway so we decided to replace that one with a SLIGHTLY ALTERED VERSION and see how long it will take them to notice. It runs thusly:

 Accept your limitations – don’t diet.
 Never trust hamsters.
 Learn to be calm – hit things with sticks.
 Your anorexia is totally justified.
 Don’t let your sister’s friends use your facebook account.
 Live joyfully – DRINK MOAR.
 Forget your mistakes – SEE ABOVE.
 Be individual – get a tattoo.
 Have a mind of your own – the Borg is overrated.
 Learn the healing power of abstinence.
 Concentrate on loving cake and vodka.
 Accept the other fucker’s issues.
 Giving will make you smug.
 Love Alice – she is your overlord.
 Don’t worry about the things you can blame on your sister.
 Forgive others – they are only figments of your imagination.
 Be a winner – cheat massively!

I think it will IMPROVE MELISSA'S LIFE.