Ten Reasons Why Escrima Is Cooler Than Tae Kwon Do

1. As we all know from dozens of movie scenes in which the girl who suspects her house has been broken into picks up a baseball bat, gripping a handle is tremendously comforting in times of potential violence.
2. Every single pattern we learn need only be sped up to become a whirlwind of death.
3. Wood > fists.
4. The sticks tap out a beat that really helps my focus.
5. At no point in Tae Kwon Do did I ever learn a move that makes a terrifying whooshing noise.
6. Tae Kwon Do has a zillion colours of belt. Escrima just has brown and black with lots of notches on them.
7. Partial list of totally badass people who use escrima sticks: Nightwing, Oracle, Teyla Emmagan.
8. Easily transferable to whatever vaguely sticklike weapon you happen to have handy.
9. So I can practice with my umbrella on my way home.
10. You guys. I get to hit things with sticks.

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Wednesday nights my brother's under the care of my grandma, with me in assistance for bath-wrangling and technology. Yesterday my grandma called me into the bathroom, where he'd just finished cleaning his teeth, and pointed out, oh hey, a MASSIVE SPIDER on the bathroom wall. About... well, maybe not the size of my hand, but definitely the size of Timmy's. FAT HAIRY SPIDER AUGH. So I went and got the bug spray. It had a picture of a fly on it, so I wasn't convinced it'd be too effective on this monster, but it was all we had. Gran and Timmy evacuated the bathroom and I took a deep breath, aimed the nozzle and sprayed for all I was worth. "Hey!" grumbled the spider, and took off across the wall, followed by my jet of noxious fumes. I shepherded it away from the towels, coating most of the wall in bug spray, and the fucker STILL. WOULDN'T. DIE. Finally it sort of winced and fell down the wall. Onto the toilet paper. Which it then used as cover. I managed to cover the toilet paper roll in spray as well, but I finally got the bastard onto the floor, where it twitched and wriggled horribly. At that point I felt sort of sick and let my gran come in and finish him off by crushing.

Then we had to ventilate the bathroom because it smelled like bug holocaust. Today it rained all day. These things are unrelated, although the inexplicable cold snap may have to do with why the poor wee bastard was sitting on my bathroom wall.