The Zombie Invasion Is Imminent

"It's come to our attention," the teacher said, as the whole assembly watched expectantly. "That some of you are not aware of all our emergency procedures, specifically a lockdown. You know fire-drill is three short bell-rings and then a continuous ring, but in this type of situation there will be no short rings."

What? says we. What type of situation? Aha, but all shall be revealed!

"In a lockdown situation, you must stay in your classrooms. If you are in the hallway when the bell rings, you will go into the nearest room. The teacher will then lock all the doors and windows and turn off the lights. This is to make you less noticable to the unauthorised person that may have entered the school. You may also lie down on the floor, depending on which classroom you are in, so as not to be visible from the windows."

What is our conclusion, good students of Sydney Girls? ZOMBIES. THE GOVERNMENT HAS FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGED THE ZOMBIE THREAT AND ARE TAKING PRECAUTIONS AGAINST A ZOMBIE OUTBREAKS. Only, they're taking really shitty ones. That settles it, I really do have to write that zombie contingency plan for my school - the bureaucracy is simply not up to the task.

READY YOUR SCALPELS, SCIENCE STAFF: THE INVASION IS NIGH.